Our Slumbering Hearts
by valiumwaltz
Summary: Bella and Edward have been floating through life, numb to everything around them. Their paths cross by chance one night, awakening emotions they had never thought possible. Will it be a one-time thing? AU/AH
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: ** This is my first shot at fan fiction. The idea has been in my head for weeks, demanding to be written, so I finally decided to appease it. I hope you like it!

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**BELLA**

It was one of those days.

It's not as if something absolutely dreadful had happened; just one annoyance after another, until, finally, the tiniest little mishap – like misplacing your cell phone – held the same weight as, oh, waking up in a bathtub full of ice with your kidneys missing. Seriously, though, I'm not usually one for melodramatics. It was just one of those days.

As I trudged through the streets of Chicago, I purposely navigated my way through the puddles, creating a satisfying splash with each exaggerated step. I had come to Michigan Avenue to do some shopping, hoping it would help cheer me up. After perusing the departments of Nordstrom for about ten minutes, I left even angrier than when I had gone in. Tell me, though, who spends eighty dollars on a pair of _gloves_? And don't even get me started on the scarves! My measly secretary wages didn't even allow me the necessary accessories to stay warm in this damn city!

I muttered to myself as my stomach growled violently. I had worked through my lunch hour, and, by that point, my stomach was practically eating itself. I was fairly certain that the sleeve of saltines and the jar of pickles that I had at home just wasn't going to cut it, so I headed for a tiny hole-in-the-wall diner I had spotted earlier.

As I rounded the corner and happened upon my destination, I mentally prepared myself. There's just something about a young woman eating alone in public that screams "Talk to me!" to the creeps. Seeing as how I had just gotten into a huge argument with my stupid boyfriend, I definitely wasn't in the mood for the creeps. When I was fighting with Jacob, every man in the world was forced to feel my wrath.

I walked down the concrete stairs and headed into the diner. Upon surveying the restaurant, I decided to take a seat at the counter. I would get faster service that way, and could presumably get out of there before it was very late. The sun had already set, and I definitely didn't want to get stuck walking alone in the streets of Chicago at midnight or anything. I often joked that it was "like New York City, only less scary," but I still got freaked out sometimes. And, besides, the way my day was going, I just didn't want to chance it.

I plopped down onto the black cushioned stool, throwing my jacket and purse down on the floor under my feet. Recollecting the day's events, I closed my eyes tight and rubbed my face with my hands. "Can I get you something to drink, doll?" My eyes shot open as I heard the waitress standing over me.

"Coffee," I replied, propping my chin up on my hands. "Lots of it. Please."

"Sure thing," she smiled, shimmying away to retrieve my sweet, sweet caffeine. I lifted my head to look through the menu she had placed in front of me, when the most breathtaking sight caught my eye: row after row of magical, delicious, homemade pies. I toyed with the idea of eating an entire apple pie in lieu of real food, but I knew I would regret that decision. When the waitress came back, I begrudgingly ordered the meatloaf sandwich.

Staring longingly at the pie, I took a gulp from my coffee cup – and immediately choked on it. Apparently, I had forgotten that coffee was indeed a hot beverage. I coughed violently as the scalding liquid made its way down my throat. As my coughing died down, I heard the faintest snicker to the right of me. I had been in the diner for five freaking minutes and, already, a creep!

I narrowed my eyes. "Is something funny?" I asked bitterly, not bothering to look up at him.

"No, no… I'm sorry," he said, a tinge of amusement in his voice. "It's just nice to see that I'm not alone in my day of misery."

"_Nice?_" I scoffed. Who the hell did this guy think he was? Was I really that transparent? So I choked on my coffee; that did _not _mean my day had been completely miserable. Well, except for the fact that it was. Not like that was any of this bozo's business, though. I focused my eyes on the counter, trying to keep my rage toward the entire male population in check.

"Here, this is untouched, I swear." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him slide a glass toward me.

"Thanks, but I'll pass." Still fuming, I looked up to see the creep who was trying to offer me his water, thinking to myself that he had probably put a roofie in it or something.

Holy shit, he was the most beautiful creep I had ever seen.

"It's just water," he insisted. "Look, I didn't even take the straw paper off yet."

I reluctantly took the wrapped straw from him, silently cursing myself for being a sucker. "Thank you. But I swear to God, if you're slipping me a roofie…"

"Don't worry, I'm fresh out," he retorted, a smile playing on his lips. I had to smile back.

I turned my attention back to the counter, not wanting to encourage further conversation. Thankfully, my meal came at that point. I had never been so grateful for a plate full of meat in all my life.

I silently ate my food, suddenly extremely aware of the man sitting two stools down from me. I wanted to get a better look at him, just to see if he really was as attractive as I had thought, but I refrained. _Just eat your damn meatloaf and get the hell out of here._

"I'm Edward, by the way."

Startled by his sudden dialogue, I choked on my food. "Bella," I said, taking a sip of water. "I'm Bella."

"Bella," he smiled, politely ignoring my embarrassing new choking issue. "I like it."

"I'm glad you approve." I took the opportunity to get that aforementioned second look at him. He really was gorgeous, almost offensively so. His hair was the first thing I noticed - a fabulously mussed shock of bronze that stood out in sharp contrast to his extremely fair complexion and dark clothing. His mouth curved up into an impossibly mischievous crooked grin.

"So what's got you down tonight?" he asked, his eye meeting mine. Direct eye contact with people for extended periods of time usually makes my skin crawl, but I couldn't break away from his gaze. His eyes were a vivid shade of green, flecked with gold throughout. They were friendly, yet somehow so intense at the same time. They were exactly the kind of eyes that could make you say all the wrong things.

"Um, you know, a little bit of this, a little bit of that," I replied, taking a bite of mashed potatoes. "What about you? You said you were having a misery-filled day." I silently cursed myself for encouraging further conversation.

"It's just been one of those days," he smirked, echoing my earlier sentiments. "I seem to be leaving a path of destruction everywhere I go." He rolled his eyes for emphasis. "I lost a big account at work today, and everything went downhill from there. To top it all off, my apartment was painted this afternoon, and I fear that I'm going to go to sleep tonight and never wake up. It smells pretty noxious in there. Then again, that may be a good thing."

I laughed at his comment in spite of myself. "I had a rough day at work myself," I admitted. "I feel like I'm everyone's scapegoat. Anytime someone screws up, it can always be skewed until it's apparently my fault. I worked through my lunch today just so I could fix someone else's mistake."

"What is it that you do?"

I suddenly became very self conscious about my job. This beautiful creep looked and sounded like he had a professional position. "Well… I'm a secretary. I mean, that's my official title, which I think is bullshit, unless 'secretary' means 'she who does everyone else's work for them while they're holed up in their fancy offices surfing the internet and avoiding calls,'" I spat, not quite sure why I felt the need to justify anything to him.

"Actually, I'm fairly certain that the word 'secretary' comes from a Latin word meaning exactly that," he laughed, popping the final bit of his sandwich into his mouth. I smiled back, strangely fascinated by the way his jaw flexed as he chewed. _What the hell, stop staring! When did I_ _become the creep?_

I turned my attention back to my plate, simultaneously trying to eat quickly and avoid looking like a hog. I just needed to get out of there. I was far too interested in this Edward character, and nothing good could come out of it. I had a perfectly acceptable, albeit insensitive, pigheaded, and slightly boring, boyfriend at home waiting for me. Well, scratch that last part. He probably was out with his buddies and in no way, shape or form, "waiting for me."

"Bella?" My name rolled off of his tongue, jolting me out of my thoughts. "Is that short for something?"

"Isabella. But don't call me that."

He smiled. "Okay, then, _Bella_, what are your plans for this evening?"

I racked my brain, desperately trying to come up with the best excuse as to why I immediately had to go home. "Nothing, really. I'll probably just go home and crash early. I'm ready for this day to be over." I could feel my face getting hot. I don't know what it was about those stupid green eyes… I just couldn't lie to him while they were fixed on mine.

"Already?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow. "It's nine o'clock on a Friday night. You can't just go home and go to bed!" He turned his body toward me. _Oh, shit, here it comes. _"Listen, there's a little bar right next door. Would you let me buy you a drink?"

"Why?" was my dumfounded response.

He smirked, running his hand through his hair. "Haven't you heard? Misery loves company."

I wanted to say no, I really did. Every sensible voice in my brain was telling me to just pay my bill and get the hell out of there. I had a boyfriend, so why in the world would I want to cavort around town with the beautiful creep? Edward. He really didn't seem so creepy after all. Still, though, I had a boyfriend. _Jacob._ I chanted his name in my head, in hopes that it would give me the strength to overcome the power of those green eyes and turn his offer down. _Jacob, Jacob, Jacob…_

"Edward?"

"Bella?"

"Just one drink. But you're not paying for it." I hopped off of my stool and gathered my belongings. "Don't forget your jacket, Fonzie," I teased, nodding toward the leather jacket that was slung across the stool beside his.

He laughed, slipping the jacket over his snug black shirt. "Aren't you a little too young to be dropping _Happy Days_ references?"

"Aren't you a little too young to be catching them?"

We paid for our meals, and I proceeded to follow him out the door. I walked a few steps behind him, taking his appearance in, at the same time cursing to myself. I suddenly felt silly for agreeing to accompany him. He probably pulled this act a hundred times for a hundred other girls, all ending in the same manner. As he looked back at me and grinned, I knew that I was just another conquest, albeit one he would not conquer.

**EDWARD**

I don't know what it was about that September Friday night. Maybe it was the loneliness finally setting in, maybe it was a subconscious ploy to avoid going back to my fume-infested apartment, or maybe it was the way her brown eyes sparkled when I managed to get her to smile. Whatever it was, it took even me by surprise.

I have been called many things in my twenty-three years, but spontaneous was definitely not one of them. As I peered over my shoulder to assure myself that this wasn't a figment of my imagination, I had to smile. Bella was right behind me, her eyes fixated on the ground in front of her.

Trying to remember where exactly that bar I had seen was, I laughed to myself. Never in my life had I asked a random girl to follow me to a bar, or to follow me anywhere for that matter! It was terribly out of character for me. My brother, Emmett, would have been so proud.

At the risk of sounding cliché, there was just something about this girl. Even as she choked on her coffee, I felt the urge to learn everything about her. I wanted to know why she was having a bad day, why she hated her job, what made her tick. The interest that I immediately took in Bella was almost unsettling to a self-proclaimed loner like me.

I entered the rundown bar with Bella still in tow. We settled in at the end of the bar, a bit away from everyone else. As she stood, shaking her coat off of her arms, I took the opportunity to really look at her. She was small; I probably had almost a foot on her. Her brown hair fell a bit past her shoulders in easy waves, spilling over her black v-neck t-shirt. She was pretty in the purest sense of the word. She turned to face me, her warm brown eyes finding mine. I smiled sheepishly, knowing that I'd been caught staring.

"Hey, Top Gun, are you going to take your jacket off and join me or what?" She wasn't smiling, but her eyes danced with playfulness. I laughed, wondering what she had against my leather jacket. Fonzie? Top Gun? Really?

I slid out of my coat and settled back down into the chair. We ordered our drinks; a beer for me, an amaretto sour for her. "So, Bella," I said, turning toward her. "Tell me about this loathsome job of yours."

"It's not a big deal, really. It's the only job I could get when I first moved here, short of working retail." She crinkled her nose in disgust. "I figured I could work my way up in the company, but I pretty much have given up on that. I work my ass off for those people, but it doesn't seem to matter. It's a man's world as far as that office is concerned. The only thing they hire women for is cleaning positions or secretarial positions. It's pretty demeaning and I hate myself a little more each day for subjecting myself to an environment like that."

I was taken aback by her honest response. Maybe it was because she had appeared so hesitant at the diner, but I thought surely I would have to work like hell to get an answer like that out of her. The bartender set our drinks down in front of us and she continued before I could even prompt her to.

"I just get so frustrated, you know? I went to college for four years to be a _secretary. _I'm paying of thousands of dollars worth of school loans while working for peanuts!" She took a sip of her drink and rolled her eyes at me.

"What did you go to school for?"

"I have a bachelor's degree in English," she laughed. "I wanted to be a writer. It was silly, I guess. I came to Chicago with dreams of that big city author's life… and look at me now. I guess I've given up on the dream."

I frowned at her sarcastic tone. "Do you still write?"

"No," she said wistfully. "No time for that."

"It sounds to me like you're settling." I regretted the words before they even finished coming out of my mouth. It was a harsh accusation to place on someone I had just met, but the sadness and longing in her voice when she mentioned her writing was hard to ignore.

Luckily, she brushed my comment off with a wave of her hand. "Enough about me. What's your story?" She looked at me expectantly.

_There aren't enough hours in the day for my story_, I thought sarcastically. "Well, I've lived here all my life. I went to school for Business, and now I manage a small manufacturing company that my father owns." I cringed, thinking that I surely made myself sound like a privileged little daddy's boy who just had a good job handed to him. That couldn't have been further from the truth.

"Do you like what you do?"

"I don't know if 'like' is the appropriate word for it. It's a good opportunity, but it's very stressful. I guess I should be thankful that I even have a job these days, though."

Bella looked at me accusingly, he eyes sparkling with amusement. "What?" I asked, wondering what she found to be so humorous.

"Sounds like I'm not the only one here who's settling," she retorted, giving me a pointed look while polishing off her cocktail. She caught the bartender's attention and ordered a new drink.

"I thought you were only going to have one," I teased.

"I've got time," she answered, flashing me a slight smile. I smiled back, trying to hide that fact that I was elated that she wanted to spend more time with me.

We sat there at that tiny bar, talking about everything new acquaintances talk about. We compared our favorite bands and books, made snide comments about the people in the bar, and laughed as we exchanged work horror stories. Before I knew it, all my tension from the day's events had melted away and the bartender was yelling for last call.

I looked at Bella, disappointed that our time together was coming to an end. "I cannot believe we've been sitting here for four hours," I admitted.

"I know," she agreed, biting her bottom lip. "I guess we should get going before they kick us out."

I reluctantly stood up and slid my jacket on. I took my wallet out, fishing for a few dollar bills to throw on the bar as a tip. Suddenly, Bella was right beside me, her hand pushing mine away. "I got this, Danny Zuko," she said, throwing a five dollar bill on the bar.

I laughed, too wrapped up in the fact that her little hand was touching mine to get mad over yet another dig at my leather jacket. I proceeded to follow her out of the bar.

We silently walked back to the diner. "My car is over there," she said quietly, pointing to a parking garage across the street. Shoving her hands in her pockets, she fixed her eyes on the ground. "Thanks for the company tonight, Edward. You completely made me forget about my bad day."

As I watched the slight blush creep over her cheeks, I smiled sadly. I wasn't ready for the night to end. I wasn't ready for this girl to walk back out of my life. Not yet. "Bella," I said, grinning at the idea that had popped into my head at that moment. "Will you wait here for me? For just a minute? I have to run back in there. I think I forgot something." She nodded in acknowledgement.

"I'll be right back out!" I turned on my heel and headed into the diner. This girl wasn't going anywhere, at least not yet. And I knew exactly what I had to do to get her to stay, if only for a few more minutes.

**BELLA**

My mind was racing as I stood on the sidewalk outside of the diner. I didn't know exactly what time it was, but I knew it was late. Jacob was probably filling up my voicemail box, unaware of the fact that I hadn't the slightest clue where my cell phone actually was. I hadn't meant to stay out so late, but Edward's company proved to be exactly what I needed that night. As we talked about everything under the sun, I found myself feeling happier than I had been in months.

I guess he wasn't such a creep after all.

I closed my eyes and leaned against the cool brick wall of the building. I was dreading going home and facing World War 3: Bella vs. Jacob. What the hell was I supposed to tell him? _Oh, sorry, Jacob, I was out all night with a terribly attractive man. _Yeah, that would go over really well.

"I have a confession." I opened my eyes to see Edward standing in front of me, plastic bag in hand. He had that mischievous grin playing on his lips again.

I eyed the bag suspiciously. "What?" I asked, unable to suppress my own grin.

"Well, earlier, I noticed that you were lusting after something," he said, raising an eyebrow. "And I couldn't let you go home without getting exactly what you wanted." He stepped closer to me, his eyes fixed on mine.

I wasn't sure whether to be angry or embarrassed. I could feel my face getting hot as I tried to figure out what he meant. I thought I had done a pretty good job so as not to let onto the fact that I thought he was the most gorgeous man that I had ever laid eyes on. "Edward," I said a bit too breathily.

As he laid his hand on my shoulder, his face broke out into a huge smile. Lifting the bag up, he revealed the contents of the bag to me. "One apple pie and two forks."

Relieved, I laughed. "Was I really that obvious?"

"You were drooling."

I wanted to take him up on his offer, I really did. The thought of that apple pie was making me salivate. Unfortunately, the thoughts of Jacob were canceling that out at the moment. "I have to get home," I insisted. "My… roommate… is probably worried sick about me." _My roommate? Why did I just say roommate? _

Edward's face fell, making me feel absolutely terrible. "Come on," he said gently. "What's one more hour? We can walk down to the lake and eat it. After that, I promise I'll let you go."

Surprised at how hearing him say he would let me go affected me, I tried the chanting technique yet again. _Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob..._

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"One more hour."

He laughed as we started making our way down to the lake.

We sat on a bench overlooking the lake, the only light coming from the numerous streetlamps along the street. The city was eerily quiet as we sat, talking softly in between bites of apple pie. There never seemed to be a lull in the conversation between us.

"Tell me, Bella," Edward said suddenly, his green eyes locking with mine. "Are you happy?"

"Right now?"

"In general."

I stared at him, not quite sure how to answer his question. Finally, I decided to go with honesty. "No," I admitted, taking another bite of pie.

His face softened. "May I ask why?"

"I feel like I've had the life sucked out of me, Edward. I go to work at my demoralizing job. I come home. I spend the weekends laying around, trying to work up the motivation to even take a shower. Repeat." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, and, suddenly, I felt stupid. What was it about this boy that made me spill my guts at the drop of a hat?

"I used to play the piano," he said softly. Relieved that he was turning the conversation to himself, I looked up at him. He was staring wistfully into the lake. "It was the one thing in my life that I was passionate about. If I was having a bad day, I could just lose myself in my music. It was so calming, so soothing. I used to play for hours…"

"Why did you stop?" It was my turn to pry.

I watched as his features shifted, a pained look on his face. "My mother was my biggest fan." He closed his eyes, losing himself in the memory. "I would play for her constantly – while she cooked dinner, while she did the laundry, while she cleaned the house. She would give my original compositions the most ridiculous titles, naming them after her housework." He laughed to himself. "When she died, I lost all of the passion that I had for that piano."

He turned his head away from me. "When she died, I lost all of the passion that I had for life."

I wanted to comfort him, to wrap my arms around him and tell him that I knew exactly where he was coming from, but I couldn't. I barely knew him. "I'm sorry," I finally breathed.

He turned his attention back to the lake. "I've never told anyone that," he whispered.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. As I stared out into the water, I tried to ignore the rapid beating of my heart. I had known Edward for all of 6 hours, yet I somehow felt closer to him than anyone else in my life at that moment. Overcome by the emotion, I suddenly blurted out one of my deepest secrets.

"When I was seventeen, I was sexually assaulted by a thirty-year-old man." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his head snap toward me automatically. "It was the worst night of my life. It ruined my relationship, it ruined my friendships, it ruined me. That's when I lost my passion for life."

"Bella…" He wanted to say something, but I cut him off.

"It was five years ago, but it still affects you, you know? You never feel 'normal.' When something like that happens, you wallow in self pity for years. You blame yourself, you push everyone away, you cry… but then you have to make a choice. You can choose to let it define who you are as a person, or you can choose to become stronger because of it. I chose to become stronger, Edward, but I'm still trying to find that passion again."

I turned to face him. "I've never told anyone that."

Again, we sat in silence for a few moments, not quite sure of what to say. Within a matter of hours, Edward and I had gone from perfect strangers to sharing our deepest emotions. It was a lot to take in.

Suddenly, Edward snatched the apple pie up from in between us. I felt a pang of regret as I realized that I had said too much. He was getting up to leave. To my surprise, though, he placed the pie on the other side of him, scooting his body closer to me. I felt my heart speed up as he closed the space that was between us. He placed his hand on top of my right hand, resting in my lap. Trying to ignore how amazing his hand felt on mine, I looked up at him.

"Is this okay?" he asked quietly, searching my eyes for something.

I looked at his hand on mine, asking myself that exact question. It wasn't okay, though. It wasn't okay that Edward's hand on mine was making my heart swell ten times its normal size. It wasn't okay that his hand on mine was making me feel more emotion than I felt when making love to my own boyfriend. It wasn't okay that his hand on mine was stirring up feelings that I thought had been long gone. It wasn't okay at all.

It was perfect.

I flipped my hand over, interlacing my fingers with his. As I absentmindedly stroked the top of his hand with my free hand, I smiled up at him. "I guess it is," I admitted quietly.

We sat like that for hours, talking intimately about our lives. He spoke of his birth mother and his adoptive parents. I told him about my parents' divorce and my decision to leave both of them behind for my own mental health. "Our relationship is much healthier when it's maintained strictly over the phone," I laughed.

"That's why I worry sometimes," he admitted, stretching his legs out in front of him. "Part of me wants children someday in the not-so-near future, but I'm so scared that I'd screw them up. Parents _always _screw their kids up, you know? Too much attention, not enough attention. They either left them or they took them under their wing and taught them the wrong things."

He laughed, continuing, "I guess I really shouldn't worry about things like that yet, though. I've never even had a girlfriend long enough to entertain the idea of children. It's not that I'm afraid of commitment or love or anything. I mean, sometimes I even dream about being a good husband and a good father. I just can't stick around in a relationship that is obviously built on all the wrong things."

I winced as he said that, thinking of my own relationship. My own relationship which I still had not managed to mention to Edward. I had shared my dreams, my hopes, and my fears with him. He knew my heart inside and out by that point, but he still knew nothing about Jacob. What a terrible person I was.

"Shit," he said under his breath, snapping me back into the present.

"What?"

He looked at me and sheepishly nodded toward the lake. "I guess I kept you longer than I'd intended."

I followed his gaze and immediately knew what he was referring to. The sun was rising over the lake, casting gorgeous orange and red streaks across the sky. "I've lived in Chicago for almost a year, and have never seen the sun rise over Lake Michigan," I admitted. "It's beautiful."

"Absolutely breathtaking," Edward concurred. I felt my face grow hot, as the fact that he was looking at me when he said that did not escape me.

As I gazed into the water, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I'm not sure what it was, but I was suddenly overcome by emotion. Maybe it was the way the brilliant colors were reflected on the lake. Maybe it was the fact that I had just poured my soul out to this beautiful stranger, confessing all the things that had been buried inside of me for so long. Maybe it was the fact that I knew it was all coming to an end.

"I really need to get home," I whispered, looking at the ground.

"Yeah," he agreed quietly.

We sat there for a few minutes, neither one of us wanting to make the first move. Finally, Edward stood up reluctantly and reached for my hand. I took it, suddenly feeling very heavy, as he led me back up the street.

Our walk to the diner was completely silent. As I stood on the sidewalk, looking up at him, I couldn't find the words to say. He was just as gorgeous in the daylight. His hair had gone from stylishly messy to just plain unkempt, and there were faint circles under his eyes from staying up all night, but nothing could take away from that face, those eyes.

"Thank you," I finally breathed. "For everything." There were so many things I wanted to tell him, but all I could focus on was the feeling that my chest was going to collapse at any second.

"It was absolutely amazing to meet you," he replied, his voice like silk. I bit my lip as I met his gaze, trying to calm down my rapidly beating heart. He took a step toward me, his fingertips brushing against my cheek as he tucked a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. I felt my breath hitch as he brought his lips down to kiss the spot where his hand had just been. "Bella," he whispered. The feeling of his warm breath on my skin combined with the way his name rolled of his tongue created a stirring inside of me that I had never experienced. I was sure that my heart was going to explode out of my chest at any moment.

"You, too," was all I could manage to choke out. "Goodbye, Edward."

I allowed myself one more glance into his eyes before turning on my heel and rushing across the street to the parking garage.

Finally letting my emotions take over, I burst into tears as soon as I got into my car. I had been numbing my emotions for so long; it felt amazing to just be able let everything out, even if just for one night. After my sobs dulled down to silent tears, I started my car. I had to get out of there fast, before Edward realized we hadn't exchanged phone numbers, or last names for the matter. I had to get out of there before I let the part of me that wanted to run back to him take over.

As I drove away from that parking garage, I couldn't bring myself to think about the confrontation with Jacob that lied ahead. I couldn't think about anything. I had never felt more alive than I did during those ten hours I'd spent with Edward. He had awakened so many dormant emotions in me, probably even more than I realized. And I would never see him again.

During the commute home, I couldn't help but notice that the numbness that I had inside of me for years was gone. It had been replaced by a dull ache in my chest, a longing for something that I would never know again.

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**Author's note**: Reviews would be appreciated, as I'm nervous about how my writing will be received! I love how this story is shaping up in my head, and I plan on updating at least once a week, but I'm aiming for twice a week.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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**BELLA**

I sat in my parked car, hands still planted firmly on the steering wheel, staring up at my apartment building. I was trying to delay the inevitable. I had been sitting there for quite some time, and yet I still didn't know what to tell Jacob. I felt so emotionally drained; a huge blowup with Jake was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

_Should I lie? Of course I'm going to lie! Like I could actually tell him the truth about Edward. "Hey Jake… I just spent the past ten hours baring my soul to the most gorgeous man on the planet. Don't worry, though, nothing happened. Girl Scout's honor." Yep, definitely going to have to lie. It's not like I'm ever going to see Edward again, anyway…_

My stomach lurched as I thought about that fact. I couldn't believe I didn't give him my phone number. I truly was a masochist. Apparently, I would rather remain "comfortable" in a loveless relationship than actually _feel_ something.

With a final look in the rearview mirror to assure that all evidence of crying had been erased, I mustered up all the courage I could and headed toward the building.

I quietly shut the door to my apartment and inspected the scene. Our place was very small: a living room/kitchen combination, a bathroom, and a bedroom. It's all we could afford in the city. To be honest, we couldn't even afford _that. _Sunlight was spilling in through the cracks in the blinds, illuminating the hardwood floors. Thankfully, Jacob wasn't awake and waiting for me.

I tiptoed to the bedroom and threw on a pair of pajama pants. Jacob was lying in bed, his back turned away from the spot where I should have been lying next to him. As I watched him sleep, I felt a pang of guilt. He looked so angelic in his slumber, his dark hair fanned around his face, reminding me of a time when he truly was my best friend. We used to have so much fun together. We used to _laugh_. After we moved to Chicago, things started going downhill. It was painfully obvious that he resented me for wanting to move, but I didn't force him to come with me. He had made that decision on his own.

I noiselessly slipped into bed beside him, turning my back away from his. As my head hit the pillow, I heard him stir.

"Where the hell have you been?" His voice was eerily calm, but I could tell he was trying to bite back the rage.

"I'm sorry, Jake. Angela had an awful day and I spent the night with her. She really needed a friend." I bit my lip, hoping he would buy it. Angela was the only friend I had made in the city, and I felt bad for using her as an excuse, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. "I lost my cell phone-"

"I know," he snapped. "It's in the living room. Who's Mike?"

"Mike?" I replied, confused. "He's a friend from Forks. Why?"

"Why is he texting you?"

Anger washed over me as I realized what he was implying. "You seriously went through my phone?"

"Well, if you're screwing around on me, I have the right to know!" He sprang up, angrily, and grabbed my wrist. "Bella, sit up. Look at me."

I hesitantly turned toward him. "Are you screwing around on me?" His eyes were so full of intensity, so full of anger.

"No. And if I was, it sure as hell wouldn't be with _Mike Newton_," I spat. I know I should have just left it at 'no,' but I was so angry about his snooping that it just slipped out.

"I swear to God, if I find out that you're cheating on me, I'm going to-"

I glared at him. "You're going to _what_, Jacob? Make me pay? Hit me? _What_?" I knew he would never actually inflict physical harm on me, but I didn't like the tone of voice he was using.

His eyes, as well as his grip on my wrist, softened a little. "You know I wouldn't, Bells. But I moved to this stupid city for _you_. Don't forget that."

"I know," I sighed, shaking my wrist free from his grasp. How could I forget? He reminded me of that fact at least once a week.

"Do you think I _like_ being thousands of miles away from my family, my friends? I did it for you."

"I _know_." The irritation in my voice was apparent. I was not in the mood for the guilt trip. "I'm not cheating on you, Jacob. I promise. I'm very tired, though, and I could really use some sleep."

"All right." I was surprised - and relieved - at how easily he had given in. I was expecting much worse. "How tired are you?" He raised an eyebrow, quirking his head to the side.

I winced, knowing exactly what the look on his face meant. Before I could reply, his lips were on mine. I squeezed my eyes shut tight as I halfheartedly attempted to swallow the lump in my throat and kiss him back.

I kept my eyes closed the entire time Jacob made love to me. I tried to push it to the back of my mind, but something felt so wrong, so off. Afterwards, I rolled onto my side, turning my back to him. He kissed the back of my shoulder before turning away from me.

I cried myself to sleep that morning.

**EDWARD**

I still can't believe I let her walk away.

I stood on that sidewalk, my mind in a complete haze as I watched her rush, almost sprint, to her car. If only I would have had the sense to run after her, to call her name, or even to yell "Hey, Bella, what's your last name?"

Ugh, I didn't even know her last name. I knew her entire life story; I knew that she dreamed of becoming a writer and traveling to Europe. I knew that her parents were divorced, that she loved them both dearly, but couldn't stand to be around them. I knew that she once rode her bicycle right off of a small bridge, resulting in a crescent shaped scar on her hand where she had caught herself on the rocks below. I knew that she had worked very hard at battling her own personal demons and was determined to come out stronger. But I didn't even know her last name.

My body felt ridiculously heavy as I walked home that morning. Fatigue was setting in as a result of staying awake until 6am, but my mind was still racing with thoughts of Bella. The time I had spent with her had been exhilarating. It may sound cheesy, but it was as if she had awakened every single one of my senses. The feelings that she gave me were so foreign, so exciting. The sudden realization that Chicago has a population of almost 3 million – and that I would possibly never see her again – was enough to knock the wind out of me. This girl – this perfect, perfect girl – had been dangled in front of me, and then snatched away before I even had a chance to enjoy it. I felt like I had been gutted.

I slept for 15 hours that day, those sparkling brown eyes torturing me the entire time.

"Edward! Ground control to Edward! Are you even listening to me?" My brother Emmett's words snapped me back to the present.

"Uh, yeah. I'm here." He had called me at work, blathering on about some New Year's Eve party that I was apparently attending.

"Anyway, as I was saying, this chick is one of Rosalie's friends. The party is at her boss's place. Dude, it's supposed to be an _amazing_ house." As he continued to drone on, I let myself slip back into my thoughts.

It had been three months since I'd met Bella, and I still thought about the damn girl every day.

I ate dinner at that stupid little diner every Friday since, in hopes that she would subconsciously (or even better, consciously) head back there. She never showed. Sometimes I would follow it up with a trip to our bar, willing her to walk through that front door while simultaneously trying to drink away her memory. Again, never showed. I Googled "Bella" and "Chicago," but all I could find were Italian restaurants and strippers. I was a man obsessed.

As the weeks passed, I had sincerely come to wonder if it had all been some elaborate, cruel dream, brought on by the paint fumes. I tried to push her out of my mind, but I occasionally caught myself looking for her as I wandered the streets of Chicago. There had been a time or two when the sight of wavy, brown hair made my heart skip a beat, but it was never her. This girl had existed in my life for ten hours, yet I let her consume my thoughts every day of my life. It was irrational. It was excruciating. I was a complete and utter mess.

"Okay, then it's settled. I'll let Rosalie know that you'll be Tanya's date for the party."

"What? Date? What date?" I replied, realizing I had been daydreaming again.

"Seriously? Edward, you've been so freaking spacey lately. Did you even hear a word I said?" My brother's voice dripped with annoyance.

"Well, I heard something about a party. But who is Tanya? And why do I have to be her date?"

Emmett sighed, clearly exasperated. He explained the situation to me again, speaking each word as if he were explaining it to a small child. "Tanya is Rosalie's friend. She moved here not too long ago. _You_ are going to be her date because she was nice enough to invite Rose and me to her new boss's sweet house for New Year's. And, besides, you could use a little female companionship… you've been working way too hard, bro."

That much was true. I had completely immersed myself in my work as part of Operation: Forget Bella. I wasn't sure that I was quite ready for a huge blowout, though, especially one with a blind date attached to it. It's not as if I was holding onto the hope that Bella would magically reemerge into my life, it's just that… okay, that was totally it. I was pathetic.

"I don't know…"

"Sorry, bro, it's a done deal," Emmett cut me off. "No backing out. It'll be good for you, trust me. Your big brother would never steer you wrong."

I rolled my eyes at that sentiment. My big brother would absolutely steer me wrong, and he has. Numerous times. I could tell this wasn't an argument that I was going to win, though, so I didn't even bother protesting. Perhaps this blind date would be exactly what I needed to get the thoughts of Bella out of my head. The fact that she was Rosalie's friend _was_ a bit troubling, though. Rosalie was Emmett's girlfriend, and she wasn't exactly the sweetest, purest woman on the block.

"Fine," I agreed hesitantly. "I'll take her to the party."

"Awesome! I'll let Rose know!"

"Great," I replied, unable to match Emmett's enthusiasm. "Listen, Em, I really have to get back to work."

"That's cool." I could almost hear the smirk in his voice as he added, "And don't worry about it, bro… you'll have _no_ problem kissing this girl at midnight."

"Goodbye, Emmett." As I hung up the phone, I began mentally preparing myself for this party, this date. It was still three days away, but I had to try and remember what it was like to act like a normal human being. I had to try and remember how to interact and socialize with people. I had to try and remember how I felt before I developed this inexplicable gaping hole in my chest. I… was screwed.

**BELLA**

My days passed slowly, a haze of work and sleep. It had been weeks since that fateful day with Edward, but the aching in my chest had yet to subside. I occasionally visited that bench that overlooked Lake Michigan, praying that he would show up. He never did.

As I sat on that bench, I thought about our conversation that night. I couldn't help but wonder if he ever thought about me, ever wondered how I was doing. Surely, he didn't. There was no way I had affected him in the same way that he affected me. He was so beautiful, so charming; he could have any girl he wanted. Hell, I followed him to a bar, then to a desolate bench, without so much as knowing his last name. I was just a blip on his radar. That didn't make it hurt any less, though.

"Bella, you're going to be late for work!" Jake's voice boomed through the apartment, violently ripping me from my thoughts. I looked at the clock and quietly swore to myself. I _was_ going to be late.

I flew out of bed, finger-combing my hair as I rushed to my closet. I threw on a pair of pinstripe slacks and a black button-down shirt. "Why didn't you wake me up sooner?" I yelled.

"Wasn't paying attention," was Jacob's simple reply. I ran out to the living room, where he sat, already engrossed in his damn video games.

"Thanks so much." I darted to the kitchen, knocking over our tiny Christmas tree in the process. It was more pathetic than Charlie Brown's tree, but I insisted we needed something to celebrate our first Christmas in Chicago. I had visions of decorating it together while listening to holiday music and sipping hot cocoa. In reality, I decorated it myself while Jake was out at the bar. It took me all of two minutes.

"Can you clean this up for me? I don't have time," I pleaded, grabbing a banana and heading to the door. Jacob grunted some sort of response as I flew out into the hallway.

As I sped to work, I slipped back into my thoughts. I had developed a disturbing habit of overanalyzing everything Jacob did, and imagining how Edward would have acted in the same situations. It was creepy, but it got me through my days. Take the Christmas tree incident, for example. Jacob wanted nothing to do with it, opting to go out and get smashed with his buddies instead. While I trimmed the tree solo that night, I imagined that Edward would have loved to have helped me. He probably would have insisted on a bigger tree: one so tall, he'd have to place the star on top because I couldn't reach that high. He would've snuggled with me on the couch as we sipped hot chocolate and watched _It's a Wonderful Life_.

I was completely aware of the fact that I was idealizing Edward in my head. Hell, sometimes I wondered if the only place Edward had actually ever _existed_ was in my head, a manifestation of my loneliness. It seemed more and more plausible each day.

As I burst into my office, I glanced at the clock. Somehow, I managed to only be three minutes late. Nobody would even notice. I settled into my desk, ready to start my work day.

"Morning, Bella!" I looked up from my desk to see the new secretary standing over me, two steaming cups of coffee in her hands. She handed one of the Styrofoam cups to me. "Black, just like you like it."

"Thanks," I replied, trying to force a smile. She was always so sweet to me, yet I couldn't bring myself to fully trust her. She had been brought in by the company to help relieve me of some of my duties, which I very much appreciated, but I didn't like the fact that I had to share my office with her.

I watched as she sauntered back over to her desk. It was painfully obvious why she had been hired in the first place. Her long, blonde hair spilled over her shoulders, framing the ridiculous cleavage that peaked out of her button-down shirt. She was the only woman in the office who perpetually wore miniskirts and high heels, even in the freezing Chicago weather. She was always perfectly made up and perfectly manicured. She was my exact opposite.

In any other situation, I'm fairly certain I would have resented her, or at least had felt threatened by her. Her presence in my particular office, though, was beneficial to me as she now took the brunt of the sexual harassment by the men in charge. A major difference between her and me, though, was the fact that she seemed to _enjoy_ it. What felt like harassment to me, was merely flirting to her. More power to her, I guess. As long as she kept them off my back, I was content.

"Bella," she called, shimmying back into her chair.

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to Mr. Palmer's New Year's Eve party?" she asked, referring to the huge gathering our boss had invited us to.

"I'm not sure," I hesitated. "I'm just trying to focus on making it through Christmas."

She laughed. "I know what you mean. Things are so hectic around the holidays."

She didn't know what I meant, though. She was thinking of shopping, of buying her family presents, of preparing delicious Christmas hams and cookies, of all that wonderful, crazed holiday nonsense. I, on the other hand, was thinking about how lonely this holiday was making me feel, despite the fact that I had a boyfriend at home whom I saw every day of my life. I was thinking about how I was going to make it through Christmas day, through all those guilt-tripping phone calls from my parents, through all the guilt-tripping from Jacob for being away from "home" during the holidays.

"I would really like to see you at the party, though," she continued. "I would love to have a chance to hang out with you outside of work, you know? I think we could be friends." She flashed her shockingly white teeth at me in a sincere smile.

"Friends," I smiled back. "That would be nice, Tanya."

* * *

**Author's note**: Oooh, see what I did there? ;) I think you all know where this is going!

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read and review my first chapter! Your reviews made my heart swell with happiness, and I can only hope that you enjoyed the second chapter! I know it was a bit uneventful, but it was necessary to transition the story to where I want it to be.

The next chapter is already half done, so it should be up within a few days, if not sooner. If you have the time, let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

**EDWARD**

"How do I look?"

I looked up to see Emmett strutting toward me, dressed to the nines in a black tuxedo. Apparently, he had let himself into my apartment, because I hadn't heard a knock.**  
**

I raised my eyebrow. "You give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'monkey suit,'" I scoffed. "Is this thing really that formal?" The 'thing' that I was referring to was the dreaded New Year's party that I had been recruited for. I hadn't planned on getting so dressed up, but now that I saw Emmett's getup, I guess I had to rethink my plan.

"You know me, bro. I just want to look my best." He eyed my jeans and t-shirt ensemble critically. "You're not planning on wearing that, are you?"

"Actually, I was planning on changing into a different t-shirt," I replied with mock sincerity.

"Edward, you're going to look like-"

"Relax," I cut him off, jumping up from the couch. "I'm kidding. I'm going to get changed now."

I headed into my bedroom as Emmett snatched up the remote control and settled into my recliner. I was still apprehensive about this blind date. I wasn't very fond of the whole dating scene as it was, let alone being fixed up with someone that I knew nothing about.

_Maybe Bella lied to me about her first name, and it'll end up being her. _I laughed to myself, brushing the thought off. This night wasn't about Bella. This night was about trying to forget about Bella. And, besides, Bella wasn't exactly the kind of company Rosalie was known to keep.

I threw on a pair of black dress slacks, a black button-up shirt, and a black jacket. I contemplated putting a tie on, but decided against it. I hate ties, so I figured that Emmett's bowtie was ridiculous enough for the both of us.

"How do I look?" I asked, mocking Emmett's strut as I walked back into the living room.

"Pretty smooth, Johnny Cash," Emmett replied. "Almost as good as me."

I chucked a throw pillow at him. "Where are Rosalie and her friend?"

Emmett hopped up from the recliner, throwing the pillow back at me with much greater force than necessary. "We're going to pick them up. They're at our place getting ready," he said, referring to the townhouse that he and Rosalie shared.

I threw my leather jacket on, heading toward the door. "Lead the way, Em."

I followed him to the parking lot behind my building. "Did you really need to bring the Hummer?" I asked incredulously, climbing into the giant, black vehicle. "It's so… ostentatious."

"It matched my outfit," he retorted. I had to laugh at his logic.

When we arrived at Emmett's townhouse, a sudden wave of dread came over me. How long had it been since I had been on a date? If you don't count that night with Bella, it had been almost a year. I couldn't even remember how I was supposed to act. I felt like a high school boy arriving at his prom date's house. Taking a deep breath, I followed Emmett into the house.

"You look sexy," Rosalie purred, immediately throwing herself into Emmett's arms. She was dressed in the flashiest dress I had ever seen. It was low-cut, short, and covered in gold sequins. Anyone else would have looked like a Tina Turner impersonator in it, but she managed to make it work.

"You look amazing," he replied, lifting her up and spinning her in a circle. I rolled my eyes. Rosalie and my brother were always so showy about their relationship. Actually, I guess they were just showy people in general.

Emmett put Rosalie down and she turned to me. "This," she motioned behind her, "is Tanya. Tanya, Edward." I shifted my gaze to look at her. She was gorgeous, but she definitely shared that same flashiness streak that Rose had. She was dressed in a strapless red dress that flared out at the bottom. Her hair was blonde, wavy, and _big. _

"It's nice to meet you, Tanya," I smiled, stepping toward her and extending my hand. "You look lovely."

"And you as well," she replied, flashing me a big smile. She shook my hand, and then stepped beside me, looping her arm through mine. "Shall we go?"

"Aren't you going to grab a coat?" I asked, eyeing her dress. "You're going to freeze."

"Sometimes you just have to sacrifice comfort for the sake of looking good, Edward," Rosalie answered for her.

"Exactly," Tanya said, giggling as we headed back to the vehicle.

I shook my head, thankful that I wasn't a woman. "When you get pneumonia, you won't be looking very good."

As we settled into the back of the Hummer, I made the obvious small talk with Tanya. Her family had just moved to Chicago from Alaska because her father had received a promotion. She was currently living at her parents' house until she saved enough money to move out on her own.

"How do you like Chicago so far?" I asked politely.

"I'm having a blast!" she replied excitedly. "It's such a huge change from Alaska! There are so many people here, not to mention so many _stores_!"

I laughed at her enthusiasm for shopping. She and Rosalie really were cut from the same mold. "It really is a beautiful city," I agreed. "Especially at Christmastime. There's just something about the snow and the lights…"

"It's almost magical," she replied, moving her hand to my leg.

I forced a smile at her, trying to shake the nagging feeling of unease in the back of my mind. I spent the rest of the car ride staring out the window.

* * *

I am admittedly not much of a partier. Perhaps that is why I ended up sitting alone on New Year's Eve, watching my date dance with every male in the room. It's not that I minded, really; this was her boss's party, her colleagues. And, besides, Tanya had asked me to dance first, but I declined. She wasn't exactly the queen of subtlety. All of her excuses to touch me, her sexual innuendos; it was just too much. I had urged her to go dance without me, though, so there I sat, nursing my third beer of the night and avoiding Emmett's pointed looks. I knew I was going to get an earful from him later.

"Look at the tits on her!" I looked over to see a dark-skinned, dark-haired boy ogling Tanya as she danced. He was taking shots with a few other men, Mr. Palmer included.

"I know," Tanya's boss replied. "I have the pleasure of looking at those puppies every day."

I cringed, their conversation reminding me _why_ I wasn't much of a partier. Call me old-fashioned, but I was never one for the kind of male bonding that involved alcohol and degradation of women. It wasn't really my scene. I mean, I can't say that I don't look at women (and, yes, Tanya was very well-endowed); I just never thought it proper to treat them solely as sex objects. I left that kind of thing to Emmett. Even he wasn't as crude as these guys were, though.

"You've got a hot little piece of ass at home yourself, though, Jacob," another one of the suits chimed in. "I wouldn't be complaining about sleeping with her every night."

"Yeah," the boy replied, downing another shot. "But she's nothing compared to _that_."

I shook my head, feeling sorry for the poor girl that had to date this moron. Taking their conversation as my cue to leave, I headed for the bar.

As I stood at the bar waiting for my beer, I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist. "Edward," a voice whispered into my ear, "I've been looking everywhere for you." My body reflexively stiffened; it was Tanya.

Her arms still around my waist, I turned around, forcing a smile at her. "Are you enjoying the party, Tanya?"

"I am," she replied, pressing her body against mine. "But I'm not enjoying the fact that you won't dance with me."

"You seem to be doing just fine without me. You're the belle of the ball," I joked. I meant for it to sound lighthearted, but it came out as more sarcastic than anything. Tanya was wasted, though, so the sarcasm was lost on her.

"Come on, Edward, just one dance?" She pleaded, running her hand through my hair.

"Maybe later," I replied, wiggling free from her grasp and grabbing my beer. "I'm not much of a dancer."

"Fine," she pouted, turning to walk away. "But you're mine at midnight," she added, giving me a wink over her shoulder.

"Can't wait," I muttered, flashing her a forced smile before heading into the next room.

"Edward!" I wasn't even three steps into the next room when I heard someone else call my name. I spun around and found myself face to face with Emmett. "You all right, bro?" His voice was a mixture of annoyance and concern, with an emphasis on the annoyance.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?"

"Because you're walking around, all brooding and shit, totally ignoring your date. What's your deal? You're not into Tanya?"

"I don't know. She's a nice girl, Emmett."

"Dude, she's freaking beautiful."

"Gorgeous," I agreed.

"So what's the problem?"

I sighed. Where should I start? _You see, I met this girl - yep, only met her once - and she completely ruined every other girl in the world for me. No, Emmett, I'm not gay._ "She's just not my type."

"That girl," Emmett said, slurring his words a bit, "is every man's type."

"Why don't you get yourself another drink," I laughed, trying to change the subject. "I don't think you've quite had enough yet." With that, I turned on my heel, looking for a new place to hide.

Now I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me here. I'm not a total social misfit or anything. This party was seriously just miserable. It was full of men in expensive suits discussing boobs and bank accounts and the women who love them. I couldn't relate to them, nor did I want to.

As I rounded the next corner, I caught a glimpse of Rosalie and immediately headed for the staircase. After the run-ins with Tanya and Emmett, the last thing I needed was Rosalie scolding me for blowing her friend off. That was one woman's fury I just did not want to deal with.

I stood in the hallway, observing the party below, finally able to find amusement in the scene. Emmett and Rosalie appeared to be reenacting the final dance scene of _Dirty Dancing_ in the middle of the makeshift dance floor, creating a spectacle as usual. Tanya quite literally had a line of middle-aged men waiting for their turn to dance with her. _She'll make a great trophy wife someday._ I scanned the crowd, my eyes settling on a girl sitting alone in the corner of the room. _I must be more drunk than I'd thought, because that girl looks a whole lot like Bella._

My heart leapt into my throat. It _was_ Bella. And she was real this time. Bella – _my _Bella – was at this party. She looked every bit as miserable as me. All those months of searching for her in vain, all those trips to the diner, and here she was sitting right in front of me. I wanted to scream her name. I wanted to break dance. I wanted to run to her, to scoop her up in my arms and tell her that she was never allowed to leave again. I wanted to grab her face and kiss her until I ran out of breath. I wanted to tell her that she haunted my dreams every night of my life.

So what did I do?

I ran away.

**BELLA**

_Ugh._

I stood in front of the full-length mirror in my bedroom, staring at myself critically. I was wearing a simple, black halter dress that flared out a bit at the bottom, ending just above my knees. I felt so awkward in a dress. Something about it just didn't look natural.

I had decided to go to my boss's New Year's Eve party after all. A wallflower by nature, I was apprehensive about it, but I sure as hell wasn't going to spend the night in my apartment. I wasn't exactly close with anyone that I worked with, but Jacob was going with me. Also, I could always hang out with Tanya.

_Tanya_. As I continued scrutinizing my appearance in the mirror, I thought about how plain I would look next to her. She always looked spectacular for work – all breasts, hair, and glossy lips – so I was sure she'd go out of her way for this party. In that moment of weakness, I contemplated putting more makeup on, but I opted against it. I already felt awkward enough; I didn't want to have to worry about whether or not my face was melting on top of everything else.

"Ready, Bells?" Jacob came whipping into the bedroom, dressed in a white button-up shirt, dark jeans, and a sports coat.

"You look nice," I smiled.

"Thanks," he replied. "Ready to go? I'll drive!" With that, he headed out of the room.

Rolling my eyes at the fact that he didn't return the compliment, I grabbed a sweater from my closet. I'd definitely feel more comfortable with my shoulders covered up. With a final look in the mirror, I was out the door.

"Holy…" Jacob let out a low whistle as we pulled up to my boss's house. It was located just outside of the city, and it was _huge. _"You think with a house like this, he'd be able to pay you more," he joked.

"Tell me about it," I muttered in response.

We hopped out of the car and made our way to the front door. My hand had barely touched the doorbell, when the door swung open. "Bella! You look great!" My boss greeted me with an awkward hug; it was painstakingly obvious that he had begun drinking hours ago.

"Thanks for inviting me," I smiled, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "This is my boyfriend Jacob."

"Jacob, my man! Nice to meet you," he said, shaking Jake's hand. "I'm Scott." He stepped aside. "Come in! Let me take your coats... the bar is right over there. Help yourself!" He snatched up our coats and disappeared faster than he appeared.

"Wow," Jacob said, looking at me.

"I know," I replied. "Sometimes I wonder if he's on uppers or something." Noticing the massive amount of people in the room, I added, "Let's go get a drink."

I led Jacob to the bar, where we grabbed two glasses of champagne, then proceeded to a desolate corner in the next room. We sat and people watched for a while, downing our drinks. I wasn't quite ready to interact with my drunken colleagues yet.

"Bella! _Bella_!" I looked up to see my boss standing over me, about five inches from my face. I winced at his closeness. "Come do a shot with us!" he insisted.

"Um, no thank you, Mr. Palmer," I replied, uneasy. I thought my boss was skeevy at work, but this was a whole new level. "I think I'm going to go easy on the drinking tonight."

"What about you, Jacob?" he said, shifting his attention to Jake. "Come on! Just the guys!"

Jake didn't think twice about the offer. "I never turn down hard liquor," he joked, standing up. I nodded in approval to show him that I didn't mind, but he was already following suit.

I rolled my eyes and slumped further into my chair. We had been at the party for less than an hour, and Jacob had already abandoned me for the guys. It was the story of my life.

I shifted my attention to the dance floor, noticing that a group of my male coworkers were gathered around, watching some sort of spectacle. I squinted to see what the fuss was about, inwardly cringing when I spotted the source of the entertainment. Tanya had arrived, looking like an oversexed goddess of some sort, and was traipsing from guy to guy, loving every minute of it.

_Ugh, they are literally lining up for her. I'm guessing there will be no female bonding for us tonight. _I felt a pang of something as I watched her. Perhaps it was jealousy, perhaps it was disgust, perhaps it was merely the pork and sauerkraut I had eaten earlier. Whatever it was, it made me want to throw up. I had to get some air.

I briefly looked around the room for Jacob, but he was nowhere to be found. I glanced back at Tanya. _Maybe if I looked like that, my boyfriend wouldn't freaking desert me all the time. _I shook the thought off, hating the fact that I let Jacob make me so insecure. With a final survey of the room, I headed toward the back door.

**EDWARD**

I don't know why I freaked out. I just did. I saw Bella sitting there in all her splendor, and I just panicked. I had been glorifying her in my head, in my dreams, for the past three and a half months. What if she didn't live up to the memory? What if I didn't live up to hers? What if there was nothing for me to live up to, if she hadn't thought twice about me? What if, what if, _what if_?

I stared at my face in the mirror, contemplating my next move. Yes, I had run to the bathroom like a little girl. _If you don't talk to her tonight, you will never see her again. You've been waiting for this moment for months. Don't blow it again._

I attempted to fix myself up, giving myself a mental pep talk. I knew what I had to do, what I wanted to do. I was nervous; I was nauseous; I was ecstatic. I burst out of the bathroom and bounded down the stairs, both determined and anxious.

My heart sank as my eyes landed on the now-empty chair that Bella had been sitting in. Had I imagined it? Was I really so lonely and miserable that I was now seeing things?

I hurriedly did a few laps around the house, taking care to avoid the usual suspects. Bella was nowhere to be found. _Am I losing my fucking mind?_

After the fourth lap, I started to feel lightheaded. I had psyched myself up for nothing. I was feeling crazier and crazier by the second. Defeated and dejected, I headed for the back door to get some air.

I swung the door open and my heart was suddenly in my throat again. She was out there. Her back was facing me, her hands rubbing her forearms for warmth. I stood there, completely dumbfounded, staring at the back of her head. Finally, I choked out her name.

She turned around, a strange look on her face. "Edward?" As I stepped closer to her, a goofy smile broke out on her face. "Holy shit!"

I'm sure my goofy smile rivaled hers as all the tension melted away. She was happy to see me. "Bella."

"I was starting to think I made you up," she said, surprisingly echoing the thought I had so many times.

"I know," I agreed, moving closer to her. "It was like our night together was our own little dream world, our own creation."

"It must be like you're in my dream, and I'm in yours," she whispered, a smile playing on her lips. "Maybe that's why this feels so otherworldly." Her eyes shifted to the ground. "But then the morning comes and we turn back into pumpkins, huh?"

I smiled slightly, not quite sure what she was alluding to. "But then I'm supposed to produce the glass slipper and see if it fits." I cringed a bit, feeling silly for keeping the _Cinderella_ reference going.

"Yeah?" she asked, still looking at the ground.

"Yeah," I replied, my heart pounding in my ears. I ran the back of my fingertips down her arm. "It'll fit."

I noticed she was shivering as she looked up at me again. "Bella, it's freezing!" I exclaimed, shaking my suit jacket off and putting it over her shoulders. "Let me guess. Sacrificing comfort for the sake of looking good?" I asked, repeating what Rosalie had said earlier.

"No," she replied, crinkling her nose. "I just didn't know where they put my coat."

I laughed, adding "You look beautiful tonight." And she did. The moon was almost full that night, its light illuminating her soft features. My dreams had done her no justice; she was absolutely radiant.

"Thanks," she replied, a slight blush creeping over her cheeks. "You look nice, too."

We stood, leaning over the railing of the deck, looking out at the backyard. We were silent for a few minutes, just enjoying being in one another's company again.

Bella looked over at me, giving me the sweetest smile I'd ever seen. I felt my heart skip a beat and, in that moment, I had to know. "Bella, do you ever think about me? About our night together?"

She hesitated for a moment, her eyes avoiding mine. "I do," she finally admitted. "Far more than I should." I didn't quite understand the odd tone to her voice. Was it sadness?

I wanted to be honest with her, to tell her how deeply she had affected me. Taking a deep breath, I turned my body toward hers. "Bella," I started, taking her little hand in mine.

She looked up at me, her eyes wide. "Edward, I have to tell you something."

"No," I argued. "If I don't say this right now, I never will. And if you are absolutely horrified by what I am about to say, I place full blame on the alcohol." I laughed, nervously squeezing her hand.

Still holding onto her hand, I took another deep breath. _Let me try this again. _"Okay, I once worked for this older man, and he told me that he had spent all of his life thinking about his career and his work, and he was 65 and it suddenly struck him that he had never  
really given anything of himself. His life was for no one, for nothing."

Bella stared at me curiously, more than likely wondering where I was going with my little anecdote. I wasn't even sure if I knew where I was going with this. I was just trying to convey how she made me feel.

"I don't want to be like that, Bella. You made me feel like I don't have to be like that. You know, I believe if there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I just… I want you to share your world with me, Bella. And I want to share mine with you. I have been on this planet for twenty-three years, and no one has ever made me feel the way that you do. Never. And it wasn't a fluke, because I feel it again right now."

"Edward…" Bella's eyes shone as tears threatened to spill over. I waited for a response, but one never came.

Not satisfied with her silence, I placed my hand on her cheek. I could hear the guests inside starting the countdown to midnight. _It's now or never. _

I tried to steady my breathing as I leaned into her, my thumb gently stroking the side of her face. She closed her eyes, each breath becoming increasingly ragged. "Bella," I whispered, "I just need to know..." I moved in closer, until my mouth was just barely touching her slightly parted lips. "Do you feel it, too?"

"Yes," she breathed, gently running her fingers through my hair, sending a charge through my body. I inhaled her scent – all freesia and strawberries and champagne – and licked my lips, feeling as if I might explode if I didn't press my lips to hers soon.

"What the hell is going on here?"

I looked up to see a boy standing at the door, glaring accusingly at us. I noted that he was the "look at the tits on her" boy from earlier. Tanya was standing right behind him.

Bella quickly jumped away from me, shaking my suit jacket off of her shoulders. "Jacob, I…"

"I don't want to hear it," he barked, glaring at her. He turned to me. "Who the hell are you?"

"Who the hell are _you_?" I shot back angrily, trying to regain my composure.

"I'm her fucking _boyfriend_," he spat. "And I want an explanation. Now."

Completely bewildered, I took a step back and fixed my gaze on Bella, who now had tears streaming down her face. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

_Boyfriend_.

I wasn't expecting that one.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Woo, this one was a tough one to write. I'm just so ready to jump into the Edward/Bella story, it was hard for me to write the scenes leading up to it. But from now on babies, it's all killer, no filler. We're into the good stuff now.

Thank you so, so much to everyone who took the time to review my story and/or added it to your alert lists. It truly means the world to me to know that someone out there likes what I'm writing! Love, love, love!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **I am so sorry this took me a million years to get out. I blame the holidays and a bad spout of writer's block. I hope you're all still with me! 3

Also, these are overlapping POV's because I wanted to show how both Edward and Bella were feeling. Sorry for the redundancy!

* * *

**BELLA**

When I was younger, Jacob once dragged me to this stupid haunted house called "Castle of Darkness." It was the most unusual haunted house I had ever been to – no ghosts, no goblins, no men with chainsaws. Suddenly, though, you were routed through this tight rubber opening, nothing but pitch black on the other side. Your eyes never adjusted to the darkness, and you had to feel your way through the next series of rooms. The most unsettling thing about it, though, was the track that was playing obscenely loudly over the speakers: just the sound of a beating heart. It was so unnerving – being completely unaware of your surroundings while the thumping pulsed in your ears – that it had stuck with me for years.

That's exactly how I felt at that moment, my boyfriend and Edward both staring at me, waiting for an explanation that I didn't have. I was afraid. Afraid that Jacob would hit Edward; afraid that Edward would leave once again without a trace; afraid that Jacob would leave me…

Standing there between the two of them, I felt so conflicted. I couldn't lose Jake. He was my oldest friend, and all I had in Chicago. Life with Jacob was all I knew. On the other hand, I barely knew Edward but I knew I didn't want to lose him, either. He made me feel so alive. He had told me he wanted to share his life with me, and I found myself wanting that, too. There was so much I didn't know about Edward, but I yearned to know everything.

"_Do you feel it, too?"_ he had asked. I'd admitted that I did, but he had no idea how much. When he was leaning in to kiss me, his green eyes so full of emotion, I truly felt as though I could spontaneously combust. I was weak, my stomach was in knots, my heart was pounding… no kiss had ever affected me that way, let alone an almost-kiss!

As the tears streamed down my face, reality set in. I couldn't have my cake and eat it, too. Without Jake, I couldn't remain in Chicago. There was no way I could afford to live on my own, to support myself. If Jake left me, I would have to stay with one of my parents and leave the city completely. With no Jacob, there was no Chicago. If there was no Chicago, there was no Edward. I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't.

"It's not what it looks like," I finally choked out. "We were just talking."

"Talking?!" Jacob spat back. "I don't know if I would call that _talking_."

"I can assure you that nothing happened," Edward interjected, his eyes fixed on mine. "She was just cold. I was trying to warm her up. What you saw was completely harmless."

I gaped at Edward, not quite believing that he was helping me lie to my boyfriend. He should have completely thrown me under the bus; I deserved it. I lied to him (by omission, I suppose, but it didn't make me feel any better about it) and I was going to let him kiss me despite being with Jacob. I was an awful person and deserved to have everything ripped out from under me. But as I looked into Edward's eyes, I didn't see anger, and I definitely didn't see hostility. I saw hurt, I saw confusion; that was a million times worse.

Edward finally lost our staring contest, stepping toward Jacob. "I'm Edward," he said, extending his hand. "Bella was just telling me all about you." I cringed as he lied to Jacob. He was a good liar, very convincing.

Jacob glared at him, not accepting his handshake. "I would appreciate if you didn't get so fucking close to my girlfriend," he sneered. He was drunk, making him ten times more obnoxious than usual.

"Edward!" a voice shrieked out from behind Jacob. I craned my neck and saw an inebriated Tanya stumbling out toward us, having trouble walking in her heels. I racked my brain, trying to figure out how Tanya would know who Edward was. "Edward!" she yelled again. "I've come to collect my midnight kiss! You promised!"

My jaw dropped, but I hurriedly tried to cover that fact up. Edward was at the party with Tanya. _Of course Tanya is his date. Look at him, he's gorgeous. Why _wouldn't_ he have the girl that everyone was drooling over on his arm?_

"Tanya," he said quietly, "it's not really the best time for this."

"Why?" she slurred back. "Because you were too busy making out with Bella?"

"Nothing happened," he muttered, gritting his teeth. "How many times do I have to say that?"

"I know," she giggled. "I was just teasing you. I mean, you wouldn't even dance with me; why would you be out here making out with _her_?" Ouch. Drunken Tanya was a heinous bitch, apparently.

She turned her attention to Jacob. "Trust me; he wasn't putting the moves on her."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I felt my face get hotter. I wanted to scream at her that he _was_ trying to put the moves on me, that I had a connection to him that she couldn't even begin to comprehend, but I couldn't. She was trying to make me feel inadequate, and I had to stand there and take her insults.

"Now where's that kiss?" she purred, turning back to Edward. I felt my chest tighten as she pressed her body to Edward's. "You promised me."

I turned away from them, quickly heading toward the door. I couldn't stand out there and watch Edward kiss Tanya. That was supposed to be _my_ kiss. Before I could make it to the doorway, though, Jacob grabbed my arm. "You fucking swear nothing was going on out here?" he spat, his face inches away from mine. "Because I'm not afraid to beat Pretty Boy's ass over there."

"I swear," I whispered as the tears threatened to spill over. Jacob was gripping my arm a bit too tightly, adding to my anxiety. I hated when he got this drunk; he was twice my size and the alcohol made him more rough than usual.

"Then what are you crying for," he demanded, shaking my arm a bit.

"Because you're hurting me, Jacob," I whispered, trying to pry his hand off of my arm.

Rather than loosen his grip on my arm, he pulled me closer to him. He brought his free hand to the back of my head, crushing his lips into mine. He kissed me hard, almost violently. There was no love, no passion behind it. It was painfully obvious that he was kissing me to prove a point, to make sure Edward could see. As I stood there, shaking and crying as his lips were on mine, all I could think of was whether or not Edward and Tanya were doing the same thing, if they were enjoying it.

When Jacob released me from his death grip, I wordlessly headed for the door again. I tried to regain my composure, but it was futile. I couldn't stop the tears, the trembling, the feeling that my world was crashing down around me. I wanted to sneak another look back at Edward, but I couldn't muster up the energy to even turn my head. It was fine, though, I told myself, as I didn't want the last image of him to be of him kissing Tanya.

I quickly made my way through the house and up the stairs, trying to find the location of my jacket. I just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. I wanted to go home and cry myself to sleep and forget that any of the night's events had happened.

I finally found the jackets on a bed in one of the guest bedrooms. I was digging through the pile of coats when a black leather jacket caught my eye. My heart skipped a beat as I realized it was Edward's. "Top Gun," I whispered to myself, slightly smiling through my tears.

Suddenly getting an idea, I dug through my purse, looking for a little notepad I kept with me. Against my better judgment, I scrawled a quick note and slipped it into his jacket pocket.

Before I could change my mind, I hurriedly grabbed my coat, as well as Jacob's, and bounded down the stairs. It was going to be a long ride home.

**EDWARD**

As I stood there, my mind reeling, I became angry. I wasn't angry at Bella, though, oddly enough. I didn't really have any reason to be mad at her. She had no commitment to me. She was an amazing girl – of course she would be taken. I was angry, though, about the fact that her _boyfriend _was in fact the same guy who had stated that his girlfriend was "nothing compared to that" while ogling Tanya. Bella could run circles around that bimbo.

Ignoring my urge to punch him in the face, I assured her boyfriend that we were simply talking. I made it a point to keep my eyes locked on Bella, though, because I knew that would help me keep my temper in check.

As I looked at her, my heart felt like it was being twisted inside of my chest. She looked so lost, so upset; I just wanted to run to her and hold her and tell her that everything was fine. I wanted to sweep her up into my arms and run away with her and give her everything she needed. I wanted her to be mine. I knew I had to leave that choice to her, though. If she wanted me, it was up to her to tell her boyfriend.

Finally feeling calm enough to look at the bastard, I stepped toward him, offering my hand in a truce. He opted to snub me, though, spitting veiled, drunken threats my way.

I opened my mouth to try the whole truce thing again, but I was cut off by Tanya. She yelled my name, sloppily traipsing her way to me.

I snuck a glance at Bella, worried about how she would receive the fact that Tanya was my date. _Why should I even care? She's here with her boyfriend; why wouldn't I be here with a date?_

I did care, though. As pathetic as it was, I wanted Bella to know that I was here for her if she needed me, if she wanted me.

"Tanya," I whispered, "it's not really the best time for this."

"Why? Because you were too busy making out with Bella?"

"Nothing happened," I reiterated, annoyed. "How many times do I have to say that?"

"I know! I was just teasing you. I mean, you wouldn't even dance with me; why would you be out here making out with _her_?"

_Because she's prettier than you, even without seventeen pounds of makeup. Because she's capable of holding an intelligent conversation. Because she's smart, clever, funny, kind…_

She looked at Jacob. "Trust me; he wasn't putting the moves on her."

It was all I could do to keep from telling Tanya how I really felt. I knew she was drunk, but she was intentionally trying to hurt Bella. I bit my tongue, though, so as not to blow Bella's cover. I couldn't believe her boyfriend wasn't interjecting, though.

"Now where's that kiss?" Tanya slurred, pressing herself up against me. "You promised me."

I hesitated, looking over at Bella, who was now heading for the door. I truly had no desire to kiss Tanya, especially after she attacked Bella. Before I could answer, though, Tanya's mouth was on mine. Her lips felt gritty, most likely a result of the gobs of glittery lipstick she had piled on.

I kept my lips closed and my eyes open as Tanya kissed me, watching Bella intently, praying that she wouldn't look back and see this. Before she had a chance to make it through the door, though, I saw her boyfriend grab her arm roughly.

My body stiffened as I pushed Tanya away gently. I didn't like how he was touching Bella.

Tanya sighed, exasperated. "What's your deal?" she sighed, turning around to observe Bella and Jacob as well. "You know, they've been together for, like, ever. They're practically married. I wouldn't waste your time."

"Tanya," I said, trying to remain calm. "This really doesn't concern you." I held my breath as my eyes remained fixed on Bella. When Jacob shook her arm, I reacted reflexively, taking a step toward them, ready to put myself in the middle.

I stopped short, though, as he kissed her. I stood there, staring at them, feeling as if I had been punched in the gut. It was literally painful for me to watch. If I were a more sadistic man, I would have taken solace in the fact that Bella did not seem to be enjoying it, but I couldn't. Bella deserved to be kissed with passion, with love, and, at the very least, with _respect_.

When Jacob finally let her go, she ran to the door without so much as a look back at me. He turned toward me, a disgusting smirk on his face. "Stay the fuck away from her, pretty boy," he sneered one last time before heading back inside.

I flopped down on the ground below me. "Edward," Tanya slurred, reminding me of her presence in the first place, "forget about her." She placed her hand on my shoulder in what I assume was supposed to be a comforting gesture.

"Please just go inside and leave me alone," I said, trying to control the volume of my voice. I still had to ride home with her, so I had to remain as civil as possible. "I just need to be alone right now."

Tanya huffed at my request, but she turned on her heel and headed inside. Before she opened the door, though, she made it a point to let me know exactly what I was missing out on. Cringing, I acknowledged her declaration with a wave of my hand.

When I was finally alone again, I rested my head in my hands, reflecting on the night's events. _What a shitty fucking night_. I had finally found the girl who had been haunting my dreams for months, and she was unavailable to me in every sense of the word. We would never be what I wanted us to be. Hell, we could never even be _friends_ so long as she was dating Jacob.

My eyes narrowed as I thought about Jacob. I couldn't comprehend why Bella would want to be with someone like him. He had insulted her, hurt her, and belittled her and that was all in the ten minutes that I had known him! I had a fleeting urge to run in after them and save her from him, but she obviously didn't want to be saved. She'd had her chance. It's an absurd concept considering that I had known her for such a short period of time, but I would've taken her home with me that night if she wanted. All she had to do was say the word.

She hadn't, though. Instead, she opted to go home with vile Jacob, walking out of my life for good this time.

With a resigned sigh, I picked myself up from off of the ground, dusted myself off, and headed back into the party, ready to forget about Bella and, after three months of obsessing, finally move on with my life.

* * *

The ride home was excruciatingly awkward. I was elected to drive the stupid Hummer as my super awesome night had proven to be rather sobering. Emmett and Rosalie were drunkenly bickering about ridiculous things while Tanya shot venomous glares my way the entire time.

When I pulled up to my building, I practically leapt out of the car, eager to escape. As I passed Rosalie, who was on her way to the driver's seat, she gave me an icy glare, declaring, "We _will_ talk about this." I rolled my eyes and yelled my goodbye before bolting to the door.

As I pulled my keys out of my jacket pocket, a folded-up piece of paper fell to the floor, landing beside my foot. I reached for it, wondering how Tanya had managed to slip her phone number in there without me noticing. When I opened it up, though, my heart leapt into my throat.

_Top Gun,_

_That wasn't quite the reunion that I had planned out in my head. Meet me at our bar tomorrow, 9:00. Let me explain._

_Please don't hate me,  
Bella_

I read and re-read the note about twenty times before finally unlocking my door and letting myself into my apartment. I threw myself onto the couch, Bella's note filling my thoughts.

_Let me explain. _Explain what? Why should I even bother putting myself out there again? Was it worth the pain it would no doubt rehash? What if I met her at the bar and she proceeded to tell me about how amazing Jacob was and listed all the reasons she wanted to be with him over me? I truly didn't think I could do it. I wanted to push Bella out of my mind once and for all, and seeing her again was obviously not a good way to go about that.

_Please don't hate me. _Did she really think I hated her? I didn't hate her. I couldn't hate her. Maybe I should meet up with her, simply to tell her exactly that. I mean, I didn't want the poor girl thinking that I _hated_ her now, did I?

No. I couldn't meet up with her. I need to progress with my life, not regress.

I fell asleep on the couch that night, shoes and all, my dreams about Bella turning into nightmares.

* * *

**Author's note**: Again, I am so sorry that it took me so long to update! This chapter still wasn't finished, but I decided to put this part of it up because I wanted to give you guys _something_! My life has been unbelievably hectic these past few weeks, but everything is turning back to normal now, so the next chapter should be posted on time. Thank you guys so much for your PM's and reviews. You keep me going & I hope you enjoyed this little chapter…

Up next: the bar scene… will he be a no-show? *cue dramatic music*


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